No Going to First Base
by obsidians
Summary: Kuno and Ranma accidentally meet and attempt to intervene when they discover that Gosunkugi and Kodachi appear to be on a date together and they try to prevent from them kissing. Just a funny and waffy and fluffy romp through RU.


I don't own Ranma or its characters and make no money from writing these stories.

Roll 'em...

Ranma was walking through the park when he happened to see a posterior clad in a pair of dark blue hamaka pants sticking out of a bush. Now it being Japan, hamaka pants were not that abnormal a sight as a lot of senior citizens preferred to wear the clothing of their youths; that being the traditional kimono with hamaka pants.

However, one could tell at half a glance that this particular rear certainly did _not_ belong to a senior citizen. In fact, Ranma knew that posterior in question due to its particular choice of hamaka pants worn almost daily as a normal item of clothing. In fact, that person that the posterior belonged to, was a pain in Ranma's own, being that he was an annoying boy one year older than Ranma. Now the thing about that boy, was that he was descended from money and by all rights, should have been attending a private school as all of his peers normally did. Then Ranma and he would probably would have never met, but alas, Ranma knew him from his public high school.

Ranma's first urge on finding the arrogant lad so conveniently placed for abuse, was to smack the same said well presented bottom as hard as he could, but it was a sacred rule that a straight man simply didn't touch another's man behind for any reason, unless they were a proctologist or in some organized sports where a game was won. Ranma's second urge was to give it hand's free spank with a blunt object, preferably the butt owner's wooden practice sword. What he actually did was, bend over beside him and say "Hey Kuno are you bird watching?'

This caused Kuno to jump and then rudely shush him. Ranma examined what might be in the other boy's line of sight and spotted a group of pretty girls playing frisbee; their innocent leaps to catch the errant disc proving an "interesting" sight in their brief shorts and t-shirts. "Ah, I see you _are_ " Ranma observed, indicating to them them from his still hunkered down position, their twin bottoms now both presented to passersby.

"I'm not watching them" Kuno said impatiently.

"Then who?" Ranma asked.

"Them" he explained and pointed at the couple in question.

Ranma looked in the direction he was pointing and was rather shocked to see Kodachi Kuno dressed up as if for a date, clinging onto the arm of Hikaru Gosunkugi, who wore a tasteful black suit, white shirt and tie.

"Is that Gosunkugi with your sister?" Ranma asked, actually feeling a little hurt that Kodachi was out with another male. He didn't much care for the girl, but a guy has more pride than to lose a girl to the likes of Gosunkugi. "How long has this been going on?"

"Your guess is as mine" Kuno said, straightening up and so did Ranma. "Kodachi told me she was going out and I was on my way to the library when I spotted them.

"They're probably just friends" Ranma suggested.

"She made cute face at him" Kuno declared.

"What's that?" Ranma asked him.

"You know, the one where girls put their fists under their faces, leans forward and looks at you with a huge smile on their faces and opens their eyes really wide so they seem to shine; like this," Kuno said doing a really good imitation of what he was describing that made him look eerily adorable.

Ranma recognized it right away from one he had perfected in the mirror with his girl half, usually to use as a weapon against the boy he was just talking to, or when he needed something from him. "Oh like this?" Ranma said, doing it back to him.

"You remind me of someone when you do that" Kuno mentioned with a frown.

"Why are you following them?" Ranma asked him.

"I'm trying to prevent them from kissing" Kuno explained.

"Why?" Ranma asked him.

"That's first base" Kuno said.

"Come again?" Ranma answered.

"You know, baseball as a euphemize for sex? First base is kissing. Second base is..." he said holding his hands in front of his chest and pretending to grope invisible boobs. "If they get to first base and develop an attraction, it's a slippery slide to the rest of the bases."

"Ah, how many bases have you covered?" he asked him out of curiousity.

"That is none of your business...and I certainly don't want Gosunkugi clearing _any_ of the bases with my sister" he said emphatically.

"He's not a bad guy, he's nice in fact. Weird, but nice and a gentleman in dealing with the fairer sex. Kodachi could do much worse. For some girls; looks aren't everything" Ranma said in his defense.

Kuno however, looked at him like he was insane. "This is _my_ sister you're talking about, looks are _everything_ to her. When she used to play with Barbie dolls, she would throw the guy dolls who weren't handsome enough for her standards into the garbage."

"Perhaps she's changed?" Ranma suggested.

"Of course she hasn't. I certainly don't understand the attraction. Girls do not put up pictures or posters of celebrities who look like Gosunkugi for a reason. I wonder if she lost a bet or is going to a pig party?" he mused.

"Or she just likes him?" Ranma stressed.

"I won't let her date him" Kuno said.

"Why?" Ranma asked him.

"Because I don't want _him_ to be my brother-in-law. He would be too irritating. Imagine having to spend time with him when they come for a visit? We have nothing in common. You don't have siblings, especially not a sister where you have to put up with her lousy taste in men" Kuno complained. Actually Ranma knew exactly what it was like from having _Kuno_ himself hanging around and trying to date her girl half.

"Yes that could be annoying" he agreed. "But Kodachi's practically a grown woman., I doubt she would let you dictate who she can or can't date" Ranma pointed out.

"Yes but she's bound to lose interest in Gosunkugi very soon. I just have to ensure they don't kiss" Kuno said. "Will you help me?" he asked him.

"I have nothing against the guy" Ranma said.

"Please" Kuno asked him giving him huge puppy dog eyes.

"Okay but _stop_ looking at me that way" he agreed.

They followed them to the pond and watched them get into a swan pedal boat. "Come on" Kuno said rushing Ranma forward to join the lineup.

"No way, no self respecting guy gets into one of those boats with _another guy_ " Ranma stubbornly said, digging his heels in.

"This is romantic for a girl, she might have the urge to kiss him" Kuno insisted.

"Fine" Ranma said as he joined the lineup and could feel himself blushing to the tips of his ears themselves as other guys snickered to see him partnered with Kuno and about to get on the swan boats.

Even the boat attendant seemed to be trying not to laugh as he took their tickets and let them onto an unoccupied boat, Ranma hunkered down as far as he could go as they pedaled in tandem to get a good view of what Gosunkugi and Kodachi were doing in their own vessel.

They watched as they seemed to exchange conversation and laugh at something funny, to Ranma's eye, they didn't look particularly amorous, more friendly really. However they clearly seemed to be enjoying each other's company, but the closest they came to touching was when Kodachi lightly tapped Gosunkugi on the arm in recrimination for some offense. "There's nothing going on between them" Ranma stated, annoyed that he was wasting part of his weekend chasing around one Kuno while pedaling a gay looking boat with another Kuno.

"Looks can be deceiving" Kuno said, watching his sister like a hawk. Suddenly Gosunkugi, touched the hair tie holding Kodachi's side ponytail and he began to lean forward and she did too until, Kuno yelled, "look a unicorn" disguising his voice with a bad Chinese accent.

Gosunkugi was fully aware of the two martial artists following them and was more amused than anything at their presence.

"What unicorn?" Kodachi questioned him as they pedaled for shore.

"It was probably some crazy person who called that. They like to run amuck in parks" he said dismissively as he helped her out of their craft.

"A unicorn?" Ranma questioned Kuno as they frantically pedaled back to the shore.

"It was all I could think of" he replied.

"You know traditionally only _virgins_ can see unicorns" Ranma pointed out and watched the other man blush.

"Where did they go?" Kuno questioned Ranma.

"They're getting ice cream" Ranma said and they hid behind a gazebo as Gosunkugi paid for their cones.

"Come on" Kuno said.

"Where are we going?" Ranma asked him.

"We're getting ice cream" Kuno explained.

"Why?"

"So we can blend in" Kuno explained. "Ah my good man, I'll have a double scoop of chucky monkey on a sugar cone with rainbow sprinkles please" he ordered.

"Sprinkles?" Ranma questioned him.

"You can't have ice cream without sprinkles" Kuno said with a frown.

"And for your...friend?" the ice cream vendor asked him.

"I'll have a plain chocolate single scoop on a regular cone" Ranma stated.

"Nothing more fancy? Come on, I'm buying" Kuno suggested, giving him a nudge that Ranma did not appreciate.

"I'll just have what I ordered" Ranma said, blushing a painful red colour.

He accepted his ice cream while the Kendoist happily licked his own. "Do you want to try mine?" he asked Ranma as his tongue licked it almost suggestively, but clearly not on purpose.

"No thanks" Ranma stated in a dead pan way.

"They're leaving the park" Kuno said.

"So we follow them" Ranma and they did as sneakily as possible with Kodachi being oblivious to their presence and Gosunkugi knowing exactly where they were.

"He's taking her into some kind of sex shop" Kuno gasped.

Ranma squinted at the shop with a sign outside that read "Exotic" with a giant papier-mâché iguana on the outside. "Better get your eyes checked, Kuno. I think it's an exotic pet shop" he corrected him, "come on" he said, pushing open the door.

They arranged themselves so that they were in the reptile section, while Kodachi and Gosunkugi seemed to be examining something in the arachnids section.

"I think we blend in nicely" Kuno observed and Ranma looked doubtfully at the preschoolers who milled around their knees, being shown the exotic pets by the shop workers; they appeared to be having some kind of party.

"No one would ever spot us with _these_ guys for camouflage" Ranma dryly commented.

Kodachi was on her knees examining the tarantula that Gosunkugi was making payments on. "She's gorgeous" she commented.

"She's a Mexican Red Leg who's less than a year old. One more payment and she's mine" Gosunkugi explained, happy to be with a girl who held and admired his future pet without fear.

"What do you plan on naming her?" Kodachi asked.

"Little Misses Kisses" he said and she laughed.

"Why don't I pay for the outstanding balance of her and you can take her home today?" Kodachi suggested.

"I couldn't let you do that!" he insisted.

"My treat in honour of your showing me such a fun day so far" she insisted back.

"Okay, but I'm paying you back" he said.

"Just let me play with her once in a while and we'll call it even" she insisted.

"What are they saying? All I heard was something about her playing with something. She had better not!" Kuno cried.

"Hey mister" a cute little boy said.

"Yes young man?" Kuno inquired, bending over to hear him properly.

"I'm holding a snake!" he proudly announced, thrusting it upwards and inches from Kuno's face.

Kodachi looked up in alarm at the womanly blood curdling shriek of terror that emitted from someplace close to them.

"Oh dear, someone might be hurt. We should go see if we can help them" she cried.

Gosunkugi peeked into the reptile section and silently snickered at the sight of Kuno huddled against Ranma. "It looks like someone already is" he commented and steered her in the direction of the checkout line.

Ranma had a vein visibly throbbing on his forehead while Kuno was glomped onto him and refused to let go and kept on muttering "cobras" over and over again.

"Really Kuno, you're scared of _snakes_? For your information, it was a harmless little corn snake; not a cobra. They wouldn't let preschoolers have parties in stores where there are dangerous animals. Now you've frighten that little kid. Though I didn't know you could levitate like that; it's kind of impressive. **Now you need to let me go** " he said with irritation in his voice.

"It's okay Kenji, you didn't do anything wrong. Some people are just afraid of snakes, even almost fully grown adults. No, he's not mad at you, his boyfriend's taking care of him and then he will apologize to you for scaring you like that" his teacher soothed while little Kenji sobbed in her arms.

"He's **not** my boyfriend" Ranma snapped as he blushed while a terrified Kuno still clung to him in an amorous looking way.

TO BE CONTINUED...sorry have to end here, I have to leave work early today. I shall finish this puppy very soon. Leave reviews if you are enjoying it so far and don't worry, no crazy lemons are in store for this one.


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